Saturday, January 27, 2007

Time of Change

I know. I know. I promised that I would write about our trip to India. I still plan to. I just haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately. I guess I've been on a blogging vacation. I'm not blogging about our trip right now though. I'm going to share what has been on my mind the most this week.

My brother, Jeff, has been on my mind the most this week. He left for Marine Corps Boot Camp on Monday afternoon. Our oldest daughter and I took him to a hotel by the airport on Sunday. For some reason the Corps makes all recruits stay there the night before they leave. It was very hard for me to leave him there. Since our family left for India I guess I assumed a little more of the "mom" role. I don't know if he felt that way but I know I did. He spent a lot more time at our house once our family left. He would come over and have pizza with us and play 360 with Stephen for hours or we would just sit and talk for hours. I even made him home-cooked meals a few times.

I hate change. I have experienced a lot of change in the last 6 months. First, my sister moved to Florida in August. Then my family left for India in October and now my brother is at Camp Pendleton for 13 weeks. Nothing is the same as it used to be and that is very hard for me. Our family has always been very close and now we're spread out all over the globe. There's a good chance that my brother will get sent to Iraq or someplace like that and that is very hard to even think about. He's my little brother and I just want to take care of him. And now he's off experiencing boot camp and becoming a soldier. Things will never be the same and I know that he will never be the same. He will be a grown man the next time I see him.

I'll admit that I broke down as soon as he was out of sight in the hotel. He's my baby brother. I don't want him to be put in harm's way. I don't want him to go to boot camp and have drill instructors screaming at him all day long. I know why they do it but I don't want someone breaking my brother down.

I miss him dearly already. I realize that I sound selfish. I want him here with me but I need to let him go and let him go out and experience the things he wants to experience in life. I am anxious for the end of April though. That's when he will graduate and Stephen and I are hoping to be able to go down to San Diego for his graduation. And I will get to watch my brother with pride as he becomes a Marine.


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